Yeah, you. You’re losing us. Do your email subject lines (or Instagram ads, Facebook posts, Tweets, etc.) commit any of these cliché sins?
“This one weird trick.”
“What they didn’t tell you in school.”
“SEO/Instagram/Facebook/Google ads are dead. Do this instead.”
You all make me feel stupid. And lazy. And uninformed. And worthless. And late. And gullible.
It’s like investment advice, isn’t it? If someone has taken the time and effort to write this “tip,” isn’t it A) already too late and B) effectively in use by the people who have the machinery to execute on it far stronger than…
The Chicago Bears kicked off the 2021 NFL season with a showcase showdown with the Los Angeles Rams on Sunday Night Football. The main storyline emerging from that contest: Wow. The Bears still suck.
I’m not piling on here.
In fact, having sat through the entire debacle earlier in the day that was the Green Bay Packers’ “contest” against the don’t-forget-they-are-mighty New Orleans Saints, the Bears’ 34–14 drubbing seemed poetically masterful compared to the supposedly Super Bowl-bound Packers’ no-show 38–3 dumpster fire.
Or it would have been a dumpster fire had anyone shown up to light it.
In other NFC…
Google’s Core Web Vitals update in May is Google’s continuing improvement (?) of their search algorithm. Like it or love it (notice how I did not offer the option of “hate it”), you need to make nice with it. This is Google’s world. We are just living in it.
The best way to make nice with Core Web Vitals is to make sure your new or redesigned website is properly optimized for the following SEO ranking factors: LCP, FID, and CLS. I know, “More acronyms?” It’s not as bad as it sounds.
At the heart of Core Web Vitals, Google…
Behold the following accumulated wisdom. Good thing for me that I don’t understand any of it, due to my continuing youthful vitality.
The only words you hate to hear more than, “Honey, we need to talk,” are: “Next we will play a song from our new album.”
You say, “Look at these leftovers from my dinner, hon. There’s like two more meals here.”
Who and who and what is that? (I went oh-for-three.) Also was not curious enough to click on the headline to see what any of it was.
People, even Canadians, are so passionate about their favorite bands that they demand recognition. Come on, there were only three cowbells in Loverboy’s Working For The Weekend.
Hey now. I've always been told it's not the size of your cowbell counts that matters. It's what you do with it.
Oh, how we love our innovations. Do you know who doesn’t? Everyone else.
Nobody cares about your innovation. Only you. It’s self-serving, and it shows you are disconnected from your end-users or customers.
So stop it. Stop telling us you are innovating. Nobody cares. In fact, it takes you farther from satisfying your customer.
Are you sexy? You might be. Is it because you told me you are sexy? Now substitute the word “innovative” with sexy. Nobody gets sexier by telling anyone they are sexy. You are sexy if you’re sexy — not because you said you were sexy.
No matter what business you’re in, people are Googling you. When people Google your business, what do they find? If your answer is “I’m not sure,” or “a lot of bad or confusing information,” then you have a choice to make.
Do you want to take control of your online reputation, or do you want to let yourself be a victim?
I get it. It’s daunting. The vast amount of choices to make — about which platforms to be on alone (Google, Facebook, Twitter, Yelp, Instagram, Apple, Amazon Alexa, Yellow Pages, literally many dozens of others), combined with no surety…
The bar could not be set lower. It’s not like newly inaugurated 46th President of the United States of America Joe Biden is following an All-Star. This isn’t the New England Patriots trying to replace Tom Brady. Not at all.
This is is the S.S. Minnow wrecking on an uncharted desert island and being marooned with a glamorous movie star and a just-as-sexy corn-fed farm girl. Things could be worse, is what I’m saying.
It’s not a bad time to be the new guy. For now.
Joe Biden could literally shoot someone on Fifth Avenue in New York City and…
This sweater states you no longer care about anything.
This sweater looks like it was found in the wayback of a 1975 AMC Pacer. In Calcutta.
Cable knit? Cable not.
If vomit could be spun into thread, it would be this sweater.
This sweater fits like you are begging people to notice the 83 pounds you recently lost. Due to disease. And addiction.
If it’s a choice between having to look at a nude selfie of Donald Trump and a selfie of Donald Trump wearing this sweater, it’s a toss up.
If Trump wore this sweater, he would be impeached…
Let me just say — I love amazing coincidences. Love them. And I don’t like to brag, but it seems I’m a bit of a hot commodity lately on @Medium. Of course, I don’t have universal appeal. My appeal is a little more refined.
I am ever so grateful to be suddenly receiving followers by the dozens. Several dozens, if you must know. And they’re all ladies!
This is fantastic. I love ladies. Check ’em out: